I find it very difficult to write when I’m happy. I can’t write anything. Journals, blog posts, fiction. It’s terrible. I need to find a way around it. Probably just discipline I need to develop.
Usually, I use writing as an outlet. I don’t vent to people too much. Years of my family and boyfriends with severe narcissism has made sure that, when I reach a certain level of frustrated, I shut down because I know that no one wants to hear me bitch. And even those who will listen, I find, often then drift off or stop listening or just can’t find it in them to care if it isn’t effecting them. I suppose that’s human nature.
I’m sure that’s not always true but it is so ingrained in my personality that what I do is stop talking, grab a notebook or the stylus on my Note 5 or my laptop and I write and write and write all the things that I can’t say out loud.
But things have been going very well for me the past two months.
After a year of stress, health problems, not being able to pay bills, hating every single day of my life, things are better. I got a job as a Veterinary Assistant. I get to hang out with animals all day and I’m working in a high income area so it’s rare I have people complaining about the price of care. Most of the time they hand me their card and they don’t even care what it cost as long as we helped their animal. And we do. I spend my day getting to help animals. I love it. I would never find helping humans this fulfilling because humans are terrible. Animals are sweet. I’m learning a ton. I get to do lab work, x-rays, fill prescriptions and I am going to be trained to assist in surgery.
On top of having a tremendously fulfilling job filled with people I enjoy, I make enough to pay my bills again and even have quite a bit of extra money left. Steve and I are going to sushi this week. 3 weeks in a row after nearly a year of not being able to afford to go at all. I feel like I can exhale for the first time in a long time. Like maybe my hope at the beginning of January that 2016 would be better may actually come true.
This weekend Steve and I are going to go look for a house to rent because with his new job and my new job we can afford a bigger place and I need more animals. We are going to get a house and then I am going to get a husky from a local rescue and he is going to get a chihuahua. I may also get another cat.
I work very early mornings to early-mid afternoon every day so I have a few hours at home alone. I’m not mentally and spiritually exhausted after work anymore so I think I have to dedicate time to sitting down and writing for a few hours every day. Develop the habit again.