I have, as of late, fallen out of writing of any kind. No blogging, no novel writing, I even have fallen out of writing for my school’s English class. There has been a lot going on, most of it bad.
Some of it good.
I feel like I used to be more passionate. I always had things to write about. People around me would say stupid things and I would be able to blog about it. I would see something that would aggravate me and I could write a blog about it. But I guess I’ve calmed down as I’ve gotten older. Or I have become desensitized to it.
People haven’t stopped saying dumb things and I haven’t stopped being irritated by them. But I no longer have the energy left to blog about them. To write about it at all.
I also used to process…well…everything…through writing. Anger, grief, happiness. And now I don’t. I miss it. I used to write all the time.
My cat died last week. The best cat in the whole world. He never did anything he shouldn’t, he never hurt anyone even when they were hurting him. Sometimes he tried to protect me from people coming to the door or the cat that lives downstairs. He was my best friend in the whole world and probably the closest thing to a soulmate that exists for me. He chose me a long time ago by coming up to my door and refusing to leave until I kept him. And he died. Horribly and in pain and I’ve been completely devastated by it. I’ve tried writing about it for a week and I just can’t find the words. I found out today he may have died completely in vain. I’ve been angry about his death because I already knew it could have been prevented if my vet would have listened to me about his symptoms two months ago and now I’m even angrier because I was told putting him down was the humane thing to do because he wouldn’t have had a quality of life. Now that may not even be true.
But I can’t express it in writing. Not much more than what I wrote above anyway. I don’t have the words.
Which, in and of itself, feels like a terrible loss. I wrote a story to process my brothers death and countless blogs.
I hope it’s just because I’m out of the habit. So I’m back. I have a little more time on my hands right now. So I’m going to try and write. I have a few ideas and I want to get back into doing reviews. Videos and blogs.
So here we go. If there is something you’d like to see me write about please let me know.
p.s. In non sad news…I got engaged in April!