I guess I’m late to the party. Everyone and their great grandmother has been posting what they want to accomplish in 2014. Resolutions (or lack there-of), what they hope to accomplish in the next year etc…

I’ve been thinking about writing this blog for several days (since before we even officially rang in 2014, as a matter of fact) but it seemed so pointless. Until I had a thought today that I wanted to get down.

I don’t do New Years Resolutions. I’ve never seen the point. You are, inexorably, the same person on Jan 1st that you were on Dec 31st. That’s just how it is. You can promise all you want…you can write it down and proclaim this new person to the world…but over time you will see yourself seep back in.

Besides, I make promises to myself that I break all year long. Jan 1st isn’t any different.

The reason I think that people get so in to their New Years Resolutions is because we all want a second chance. Very few people (and none that I have ever met) have gone throughout their entire lives without wishing they could start over somewhere. That they could pack up and be someone different than they were last week. New beginnings and all that.

It would be so wonderful, wouldn’t it?

But we are who we are no matter who knows us. No matter the promises we make to ourselves and to others about who we intend to be. You can make strides to better yourself-and I fully endorse this-but you will always be you. You might eventually become a better form of you but you are still you.

So I don’t do New Years Resolutions.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t some things I don’t wish for in the coming year. Of course I do.

2012 and 2013 were bad years in my life. My brother died in February of 2012 and everything kind of spiraled out from there. My family, which wasn’t that close to begin with, fell apart. We have slowly reformed but we are all constantly aware of the change and of what is missing.

Some revelations about other things in my life have come to light very slowly and very very painfully over the course of 2013. All of it spanning out and breaking apart from the moment we learned my brother had died.

So I don’t want anything from 2014 except for peace.

Things can never go back to how they were but if they would stop getting worse just for this year I could really use the break.

So that’s what I want.

I don’t want to be thinner (well I do..but that’s a constant battle) I don’t want to become famous or make a million dollars.

I just want to find peace.

Which may, I know, be harder than any of that. But that’s what the New Year is all about, isn’t it?

My boys
My boys
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