Written Aug 30, 2011-
I was laying down to sleep tonight and the need to write this down came into my head. I am sure tomorrow morning when I am awake there will be changes, but this is what I have currently:
So many women are unhappy with the state of men in the world today. They want a fairytale; probably because they were always told they were princesses. They want a man like the ones they have seen in Disney movies Well, here is a hard fact for you:
Cinderella’s man loved her so much, that he didn’t know what her face looked like the next day and Beast kept Bell hostage until she loved him and no longer wanted to leave.
I don’t necessarily think the issue is with men, as most women seem to believe. I think men are raised to be “strong” To be the provider, to be the caregiver. To nurture and to love but to be masculine at the same time. Just like the image of “beautiful” women is shoved down the throat of girls from childhood(including in Disney movies, by the way) the image of “masculine” men is shoved down the throat of boys. Particularly by their fathers.
And then they grow up and start dating and find women who want too much for nothing. They want their men to just know what they are thinking, they want to be the center of their man’s world. They want to be like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty who literally got the men of their dreams by lying there. They want everything and because they are told they are princesses and deserve the world, they expect their men to give it them.
And did I mention they want their men to look fabulous while doing all this and, of course, the obligatory ride off into the sunset to cement their “happily ever after”
Women are also programmed into the Belle state of mind. “He’s broken but with my love I can fix him” So girls seek to find men they can change. You don’t change anyone who doesn’t want to be changed, girls. No matter how much you love him.
What I am saying is you don’t just have two options: a)find the perfect man or b)hate all men. Because your prince charming may not fall in love with you instantly. He will probably have morning breath(as will you) He won’t know everything about you immediately and always remember your favorite flower is red tulip and he won’t kill anyone who makes you cry. Because if he really loves you, he will let you learn to stand on your own. He will have the faith in you that you are strong enough without him that he won’t always need to step in.
The truth is, there is no such thing as the “perfect man” so stop looking. There may be someone out there perfect for you, but he isn’t out of a fairytale. Because here is another hard truth for you: you aren’t something out of a fairytale either. You aren’t perfect. You will cry and your mascara will run. You will have bad self esteem days and days when you need to be knocked down a peg. You will overeat sometimes and you won’t make the right decision. You won’t always say the right thing, so why expect him to? You expect him to love you at your worst, but you can’t love him if he doesn’t meet the list you have put together in your head?
It’s okay to have standards. For example: He shouldn’t beat you(neither should you beat him) And he should shower. At least occasionally. But you have to stop getting angry with your man because he doesn’t know what he did to upset you when you are PMSing and he didn’t do the laundry like you thought he should just know to do without you telling him even though you always do the laundry.
My Prince Charming doesn’t wear a suit of armor or ride a white horse. In fact, I bet if he tried he would look ridiculous. He doesn’t always say the right thing and his hair doesn’t blow in imaginary wind. He doesn’t know my favorite color off hand and he doesn’t know my favorite flower. I’m not the only thing in the world he cares about, nor do I wish to be. Because if Sam really thought that I needed it, he would walk through fire. I know he loves me, and I don’t need a sunset and a white horse for him to prove it and I don’t need to “test” his love. He calls me on my bullshit rather than accepting everything I say because he loves me. Actually, it’s because he loves me that he doesn’t stand silent. He knows every one of my smiles and what they mean. He knows when I’m upset and to leave me alone, and when I need a hug instead. Our relationship works because we make it work. Not because I sit back and expect the world of him because “that’s his job as my man” I support him and he supports me.
That is a real prince. Not someone who worships you, but someone who is equal to you.